But truth be told, neither portrayal is all that accurate. And while the world has a lot of beautiful beach resorts where sunscreen's more important than pants, they -- like their naked guests -- come in all shapes and sizes. Sure, you could take a vacation to some of the world's best nude beaches. But for the full-on clothing-optional experience, resorts are the way to go. Slow down.
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When I tell people I'm going to a naked resort in Jamaica, they respond as though I've just revealed my salary or the details of my last menstruation. It's a long blink or a visible shift backward in their seat. Several ask, after a pause, "Are you a naked person? I don't know. What's a naked person? A naked person probably owns more beads than I do, just beaded necklaces every day.
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And as I watched a grown man get penetrated by a pretty young blonde wearing a terrifying strap-on, I knew the image would be burned into my mind forever. His screams reminded me of the knee injuries I'd seen playing high-school football. They were interrupted by his wife's insistence that he take another shot of tequila to kill the pain. The blonde pushed on.
Max Hartshorne 0. Then there is the pool and the water park, which is the largest in the Caribbean. The nude beach, he said, is down to the right. I asked our host, the manager of the Sunset Resort and a year resident of Jamaica , how the hotel happened to have its own nude beach.